Possibilities in Making Love

Issues to discuss

What would you like your spouse to do more often?

What would you like your spouse to do less often?

How often would you like your spouse to initiate sexual activity?

How often would you like to initiate sexual activity?

What preparation would improve lovemaking for you?

What preparation would improve lovemaking for your spouse?

What time of the day (or day of the week) is best for you?

What time of the day (or day of the week) is best for your spouse?

Typically how long would you like lovemaking to last?

Typically how long would your spouse like lovemaking to last?

How often would making love quickly be of interest to you?

How often would making love quickly be of interest to your spouse?

How often would you like spending a day or weekend making love?

How often would your spouse like spending a day or weekend making love?

Positions:

Standing

Face to Face

Husband Behind

One kneeling

One table

Sitting

Face to Face

Husband Behind

One kneeling

Lying

Face to Face

Husband on top

Wife on top

Side by side

Husband behind

Spoons

Wife kneeling

Practices

Genital

Manual

Oral

Places:

Bed

Shower

Living room couch

Floor by fireplace or Christmas tree

Tent in back yard.

Simple Changes

Changes sides of the bed

Change ends of the bed

Adjust the lighting

Candle

Dimmer switch

Colored light

General Rules

Slow down

Be gentle

Touch all parts of her not just swimsuit area.

If it is not perceived as loving do not do it.

Do all you do, to love God and love your wife.

Scriptures to discuss on Sexuality

Song of Solomon

Proverbs 5:15-19

1 Corinthians 7:1-7

Deut 24:5

Hebrews 13:4

Ephesians 5:21-33

Common Differences to Be Negotiated

Modified from: Penner, C., & Penner, J. (2004). The married guy's guide to great sex building a passionate, intimate, and fun love life. Wheaton, Ill: Tyndale.

I like to initiate.

I like my spouse to initiate.

I like making love in the morning/at night.

Direct initiation is the most positive for me.

I like subtle initiation.

I like to have sex several times a week.

Having sex once every week or two is fine with me.

I like long / short kisses.

I like wet/dry kisses.

I like to talk a lot/ little before making love

I like to talk a lot / little while making love

I like to talk a lot/little after making love.

Explicit sexual talk is arousing for me.

I like subtle and indirect sexual talk.

I like to get lots of touching.

I don’t have much need to get touching.

I like to give lots of touching.

I don’t have much need to give touching.

Direct stimulation is most positive for me.

I like very indirect stimulation.

I like to make love with the lights on/off.

I like my spouse to have eyes open during lovemaking

I’m uncomfortable being watched by my spouse.

I like oral sex when it’s the when it’s woman stimulating the man.

I don’t like oral sex the woman stimulating the man.

I like oral sex when it’s the when it’s the man stimulating the woman,

I don’t like oral sex the man stimulating the woman.

I like our lovemaking to be different every time,

I like it to be pretty much to be same every time.

I look forward to a lot of excitement and creativity.

I like predictability.

I feel a strong connection between my sexuality and my spirituality.

I don’t sense much connection between the two.

Books to Read

Penner, C., & Penner, J. (2004). The married guy's guide to great sex building a passionate, intimate, and fun love life. Wheaton, Ill: Tyndale.
Penner, C. L., & Penner, J. J. (1993). Restoring the pleasure. Nashville: Word.
Kaplan, H. S. (1989). How to overcome premature ejaculation. Florence, KY: Brunner/Mazel.
Allender, D. B. (1995). The wounded heart. Colorado Springs, Colo: NavPress. 5/7/2007
Penner, C., & Penner, J. (2004). Sex 101: Getting your sex life off to a great start. Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group.

G. Lee Griffith, Ph. D.

Psychologist

Department of Psychology

Anderson University

Anderson, IN 46012

glg@anderson.edu

765 641 4474