Married Guy’s Guide to Great Sex, G. Lee Griffith, Ph. D.

This Graphics in this Presentation are rated: G

Married sex is unquestionably faithful

• Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4 (New International Version)

Characteristics of Great Sex

• Loving / Courteous / Woman centered / Flexible / Creative / Frequent / Sacred-

Loving

• Make love—don’t have sex

• Personal

• Your spouse preferences

• “Do you think guys “get” that for women the cuddling and snuggling can be just as important to them as ejaculation is for the guys?”

Kissing

• Critical to most women

• Best way to stay in touch.

• Kiss when you

– Get up / Leaving

– Return / After praying over food

– Before saying good night

Courteous

• Showers & shave please

• Words you use

• Full attention---no TV.

• Non-demanding

– Never any pressure

– Only do what she wants to do.

• Thanks the next day

Women Centered

• Relationship oriented

• Respect differences--

• How Long?

• Women’s Preferences

• Don’t Grab

– Men like to grab

– Think it shows passion

– Most women do NOT like to be grabbed

– Off limits while cooking or washing dishes—even if most tempting.

– Even better help

Needed vs. Cherished

• Men are motivated by feeling needed

• So they pursue by expressing need.

• Women are put off by this—they are repulsed by needy men

• Women are motivated by cherished.

– Connected / Affirmed

Time Gap

• More time between occasions of making love

– Women want more time and connection

– Men want quick release.

Setting up the Occasion for Her

• For him

– Being clean / Being groomed

– Attentive

• For her

– Rested / No stress

– No demands

– Peace in relationship

– Assure her of her attractiveness

– Assure privacy

– Conversation

– Compliments

– For a wife to feel understood (on almost any issue) helps her feel ready for sexual intimacy?

– Gifts--

Romance 101

• Says “I Love You”.

• Is not expected.

• Is not necessary.

Romantic Gifts

• Perfume / Basket of fruit

• Scented soap for the bath

• Bubble bath / Bath oil-

Romantic Gifts

• Scented candles

• Wild flowers you pick your self

• Mushy card

• Matching coffee cups

• Negligee

• Poem you wrote yourself-

• “For him to assertively expect the kids to obey and respect his wife is a big turn-on for her”

Gourmet

• Hours not minutes

• Lots of planning

• Lots of Talk / Cuddling

• Relaxed Lovemaking

• Afterglow

• Richness for 1X per month

Hearty Home-style

• Warm and active / Mutual

• Healthy / Nourishing

• Weekly--

Fast Food

• Fun

• Not long-term healthy

• Boring as a steady diet

• Use as an add-on not a regular meal--

Freedoms for Marital Sexuality

• Freedom of When

– Evening / Middle of the night

– Morning / Afternoon Delight

– Vacations

– Saturday Afternoons with the kids at the park with a baby-sitter-

• Freedom of Where

– Every room (except closets)

– Before a roaring fire

– Under the Christmas tree

– Motel and home by midnight

– Kids at slumber parties

– Anywhere: privacy, security, romance-

• Freedom of How

– Positions

– With and without clothes

– Alternatives-

• Freedom of Who

– Joyful / Playful

– Sacred / Celebration-

• Variety is the spice of life

• Too much spice and all you get is indigestion.

Bedroom Atmosphere

• Privacy / Sight / Sound / Smell

• Touch-

• Bedroom Atmosphere: Privacy

• Master bedroom isolated

• Lock on door

• Phone ringer off-

• Bedroom Atmosphere: Sight

• Dimmer Switch-

• Bedroom Atmosphere: Sight

• Colored light / Candles

• Plants

• Wood beamed ceiling

• Mirror tiles

• Four-poster canopy bed

• Black sheets-

• Bedroom Atmosphere: Sound

• Stereo / Radio

• Should turn off automatically-

• Bedroom Atmosphere: Smell

• Incense / Scented Candles

• Perfume on incandescent light bulb

• Perfume or powdered sheets-

• Bedroom Atmosphere: Touch

• Satin sheets / Fur bedspread

• Waterbeds-

Frequent

• 70% Christian couples make love between 1-3 times per week.

• Too little or too much is a problem

• Find your balance

• Barriers to Great Sex

• Anger / Insensitivity

• Selfishness / Tiredness

Total Fulfillment

• Only in the presence of God.

• This life is a journey not a destination

• Be grateful for the joy this live gives not frustrated by what is only possible in heaven.

Sources

• Penner, C. L., & Penner, J. J. (1997). Men and sex: Discovering greater love, passion, & intimacy with your wife . Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

• Gries, J., & Gries, C. (2005). Sex 101: Over 350 creative ways to a godly, loving pleasurable marriage. Garland, TX: Hannibal Books.

• Penner, C., & Penner, J. (1994). 52 ways to have fun, fantastic sex: A guidebook for married couples. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

• Hart, A. D., Weber, C. H., & Taylor, D. L. (1998). Secrets of Eve: Understanding the mystery of female sexuality. Nashville: Word.

• Kaplan, H. S. (1989). How to overcome premature ejaculation. New York: Brunner/Mazel.